Random New Year Reflections

This time of the year often creates a flood of so-called "New Year's Resolutions".  You know what I'm talking about, those wishes that everyone has for themselves that are so close, yet just out of reach.  They come crashing to the ground in a pile of ashes by January 5th as the old ruts are the most comfortable place to be.  

Because change takes discipline.  Lots of it.

And discipline is hard.

I'm in America again, after 19 months in Africa.  Discipline can be challenging in Africa, but it's overwhelming in America.  The options are endless and I'm having to teach myself all over again that just because it's available, that doesn't mean I have to have it.  

I'm simplifying my American life.  I thought I had simplified it before I left, but now I look at some of the items I saved and gag.  Why is this even still here?  I love simplicity.  I'm not quite a minimalist, but I could get close.   This winter season is hard tho- it takes so many articles of clothing, and so much time to get ready to go out!  May I please return to the land where flipflops reigned and hoodies were only sighted on rare occasions? 

I'm drinking vinegar water again and sipping the amazing kale smoothies my sister creates.  I've gaped in awe at the endless rows of food available at the local supermarkets, and especially choked up at the beautiful displays of produce that I could only dream of in my Ivuna life. 

2015 is over.  To be totally honest with you, I'm glad.  It was by far the hardest year of my life.  But on the other hand, it was also the best.  I've experienced God and community in ways I never dream't I could.  I don't know what God has in store for my 2016, but I am determined to embrace each experience- whether hard or good, and grow in trusting Him more through them. 

I'd like to blog more this year, especially while I'm Stateside.  You're welcome to follow my journey if it interests you.  I'm learning, and I make a lot of mistakes, but it is my hearts desire to be abandoned to the will of my Father. 

 My motto for this year is this:  "Courage, dear heart" by CS Lewis.  My heart is very weak and emotional, and is in much need of courage.  Can we encourage each other to walk in true, holy courage, with our eyes fixed completely on our Master no matter what happens? 

13- A Glimpse Into What God is Doing in Ivuna...

someday a bright new wave will break upon that shore, and there will be no sickness, no more crying, no more war...

no malaria.  no insect bites that swell dreadfully and cause pain and trouble walking.  no tears. none.  can you imagine?  tears are a big part of our lives.  we say goodbye. again.  we miss people who live on another continent.  we lay to rest loved ones to never see alive on this earth again.  we grieve for the pain and heartache we see as a result of sin in the lives of those we love.  we at times may shed tears of righteous indignation when we see blatant sin.  but some day, some SWEET day, there will be NO more sickness or crying. 

...and little children never will grow hungry anymore...

can you imagine? never!  no hungry tummies rumbling for food.  no legs and arms that are too skinny from malnutrition.

someday we know not when, when time on earth is done and those redeemed from every land will all become as one, with voices of all ages praising God the three in one, and there will be a bright new morning over there, there'll be a bright new world for us to share.

the Bible tells us that there will be some from every tribe, every kindred, every nation, every tongue gathered around the throne worshiping the Lamb of God forever and ever. No language barriers, no night, no sin.  A bright NEW world we'll share. 

But for today, we are still on earth.  Sometimes it may feel unfair, when all one wants to do is join those who have gone on before, but I'm reminded that our work isn't finished yet.  God's purposes are very much alive and thriving, and He wants to use each one of us to be a part of compelling those from every land who have not yet received that wonderful gift of salvation which will enable them to have a part in praising God around His throne.

Our hearts are burdened for our people.  Lately, it seems as if the intensity of the battle has been rising and we find ourselves wrestling with the burden of their souls.  Our neighborhood is a very dark place.  Our neighbors drink pombe (local beer) until they cannot think logically, and major fights break out.  There was a terrible fight between several of our neighbor women just a few days ago.  I was laid up with a very swollen foot, so didn't see it take place, but Beka returned with burning eyes and heart full of pain as she related the violence.  Women wildly hurling bricks at others, one descending upon another with one of their huge farm hoes.  Angry words spewed forth, full of hate. They talked about it the next day, and readily admit to Beka that it's not right.  Comments are made how bad habits need to be changed.  Meanwhile, we watch, share truth, and pray because we know it's not simply a matter of bad habits being changed, these dear people need JESUS to come and change them from the inside out. 

One day we had a patient come initially complaining of headaches and dizziness, as well as something about an insect walking in her head.  It didn't take many questions before it was obvious we were dealing with something more then a physical or medical problem.  I called Beka in to join me, as my language ability isn't good enough to handle a situation like this yet.   With some more probing, we learned that at times this "insect" crawls over head and down across her eyes, and when it does, it makes her dizzy and then unconscious.  Sometimes 'it' goes in her throat and constricts so that she is unable to eat, and at other times 'it' travels up and down her back. Such bondage! Truth was shared, but they told us they already tried church and weren't interested.  The husband showed a hint of interest, but his poor wife- bound by the spirits- even refused us to pray over her.  As they walked out of the clinic, our hearts were heavy but we reminded each other that even if she refuses us to pray over her, she can't refuse us to pray FOR her.  So pray we have.  Oh may Jesus receive the reward for His suffering!

I've been spending a lot of time in continued Swahili study, and I'm not sure if I can really write anything about that that would be worth reading about!  Unless of course you are deeply fascinated with the struggles of Swahili grammer- subjunctives, noun classes, piles of new vocabulary words to study...yeah, I didn't think so, I'll keep it to myself. :) 

The past while I've been praying that God will infuse me with a renewed vision and passion for His heart for the world, as well as His heart for His children.  I've been feeling that I've not been experiencing nearly enough of Him in my life and I've been aching to find more life and passion in my heart.  God has been answering my prayer above and beyond what I've been asking for, through various routes.  For one, we girls have been reading through the book "What in the World is God Waiting For?", which is about the fulfillment of the Great Commission and how passionate God is that His people be ends of the earth minded.  It could be easy to look at my life as say, 'well, i must be doing something right because I am here at "the ends of the earth" if you will, so I must be okay'... but God has been stripping me of all potential of having those thoughts and showing me areas of my life that needed serious renewal.  Then on Wednesday night we watched the documentary on the Moravian Mission Machine, (totally worth the time, btw- I think every Christian should study on the Moravians!) and their testimony and the radical way they believed they were called to live shook me to my core and brought me to a new level of understanding what truly God is looking for.  The way they utilized prayer is incredible, and has been changing my experience as well.  I'm so thankful for the example of saints in days gone by who can spur us on to living a true, radical Christian life.  I have to think of a David Livingstone quote I happened upon recently... "I have found that I have no unusual endowments of intellect, but this day I resolve that I will be an uncommon Christian."  I do think it's incredibly sad that what God's heart for His people in the Bible is, now has to be considered uncommon because of how lukewarm Christianity in our world has become.  Radical Christianity is what the Bible is talking about, and we only have one life to live- people, lets make it worth living!  Let's not just waste our days by living some halfhearted version of being as Christian as we can to get by.  We have something worth living for, and the world needs to hear it! 

I've been reading in Luke the past few days and particularly the passage in chapter 4:15-16 stood out to me where it talks about how multitudes came to Jesus to hear His teaching and to be healed.  His fame went abroad..."and He withdrew Himself into the wilderness and prayed".  Such a key thought here, if Jesus felt drained from giving and giving to needy people, how much more we?  If Jesus felt the need to get away alone and pray, how much more we?  We short change ourselves and the people we're ministering to by trying to do things on our own strength. 

It's now a quiet Saturday morning.  The neighborhood echoes mainly with only the sounds of the birds and passing motorcycles.  Most of our people are out farming, and we are enjoying a laid back morning at home.  A few people dropped by seeking medical advice, and Mama Glanti scrubbed some of our laundry, but mostly we're just working on updates and talking amongst ourselves.  

Rebecca has been helping Mama Glanti start a bread baking and selling business, as a way to supplement her income, which she badly needs.  Selling pombe (local beer) has been the main way women make money, and of course we aren't advocates of that at all, so if we encourage Ma Glanti to not make pombe to sell, then we need to come up with an alternative!  When the Lapp's were here, Paul and Ben built a beautiful brick oven, so Beka and Ma Glanti have been baking loaves of bread and experimenting with the technique, trying their best to get it right.  After some challenges (one time the fire was too hot, and another time it was not hot enough), I think they're slowly figuring out what the oven needs to bake evenly and nicely.  Pray that Mama Glanti's business would take off (it's showing encouraging signs of doing just that...loaves of yeast bread is not something that is available here in the village, yet people really do like it.), and that it would provide her the income she needs to feed her family.

Continue to pray for the biweekly Bible classes held right here among our neighbors.  This past Tuesday there was an excellent turn out- the kivuli (porch) over at Zeiset's was full and overflowing, and it was exciting to hear the word of God being spoken to their hearts.  Thursday for various reasons, it didn't happen, but we continue to pray that God will work in the the hearts of our people- and He truly is!   I've mentioned our 17 year old neighbor boy, Basili, a time or two, I believe...tho I don't think I shared how several weeks ago he made the decision to accept Jesus Christ as His Savior!  It's been very exciting seeing his thirst for truth and the difference Jesus has made in his life!  I never heard him sing before, and now you almost can't find a time when he isn't singing when he's over at his mom's house beside ours.  I have to smile quite big every time I hear his voice strongly ringing in hymns of praise.  Did I ever mention that I absolutely love watching God work in people's hearts?! Well, I do!  :)

"missions (or life) is not about "what can I spare?"  the question is "what's it going to take?"  risk.  abandon.  sacrifice.  radical dependence on Christ.  EVERYTHING.  are you passionately committed to God's glory among all peoples?"

-asialink worker

just a little part of God's great, big plan...

Kim

12- Go In the World, Take His Love Into the World...

Saturday.  14February2015

"God so loved the world, He gave His Son to die, but the plan is hidden unless we tell them why.  We need a messenger of light before the shadows turn to night...WHO WILL GO?

Still we keep on thinking, somebody else will go- while the world that's dying urgently needs to know.  If we will lovingly compel, we'll storm the very gates of hell...WHO WILL GO?

Go into the world, take His love into the world, the time is right, the fields are white, there's work to do before the night; so we'll go into the world, take His love into the world...He is calling you and me into the world.

Be the great commission, go out and plant the seed, laboring together in time we will succeed.  His love was meant for us to share, to every people everywhere...WHO WILL GO?

Go into the world, take His love into the world, the time is right, the fields are white, there's work to do before the night; so we'll go into the world, take His love into the world...He is calling you and me into the world.

How will they hear that there's a God who loves them?  How will the blind regain their sight?  How can the lost find hope unless we tell them? We are to be a salt and light.  Look to the fields you'll see the harvest teeming, servants of God we must obey, all of the world will know that there's a God who loves them, if we'll only point the way.

Go into the world, take His love into the world, the time is right, the fields are white, there's work to do before the night; so we'll go into the world, take His love into the world...He is calling you and me into the world."

This song has been running through my head nonstop since this past Sunday when we spent time learning it.  The call loud and clear- will we be willing to answer the clear call of God?

It's a lazy Saturday on our mission compound.  The day started late, and the rain poured down in torrents.  We splashed through deep puddles with soaked khanga's wrapped around our shoulders, all ending up at the main house for a lovely brunch together.  The rest of the day was spent in various activities- intense games of Take One, singing, talking, and eating junk food dug out of totes.  (It IS Valentines Day, you know- chocolate really does need to be on the agenda sometime! :)  Eventually I got antzy and needed to get out of the house, so I wandered out to Kilabuni and sat in the corner of Zanobi's shop and sipped on hot sweet chai and piping hot maandazi.  Ahh, "nimeshiba" (I'm full!) I told Zanobi as he plopped hot pots of ugali and meat in front of me.  "Kula!" (Eat!) he demanded.  Yes sir, so I ate. 

 

I returned to the house, greeting neighbors along the way and sat rocking little Lemi for awhile.  He's about 2 years old, and is one of the sweetest, cuddliest little fellow I've ever had the opportunity to meet.  Regina said that while I was gone in Zanzibar, she would ask him where Kim was, and he would get this goofy little grin and giggle cutely.  I was thrilled to hear that he remembered me, as he's been one of "mine" for awhile now.  He'll see me coming down the trail from quite a distance away and will come running as fast as his short slightly-bow-legged legs will let him- straight into my arms.  And he usually won't leave for awhile.  He melts my heart every time with his many kisses and soft, tender heart.  Then I wish all over again he would have parents who actually care for him.  But he doesn't.  Lemi and his older sister Doto, have to fend for themselves most of the time.  Their Mother is an angry woman who constantly looks miserable and their father is the choir director at the Catholic church...but is also a drunk and doesn't treat his wife and family well at all..  Pray for their little family- Mama and Baba Velo and their two young children.

I thoroughly enjoyed having Deb spend a few weeks here in Ivuna with me, and then later the arrival of the rest of her group- Beth, and Lora.  It was so much fun to show my friends what my life in Africa consists of! On the 28th, we four girls loaded up on a lorry and headed to town, and the next day, on to Zanzibar!  We spent a lovely week on the beautiful island.  We enjoyed each other's company, the beautiful warm sunshine of the tropics, the gorgeous beaches, lovely Stonetown history and shopping, a spice farm tour, as well as connecting with the ones ministering the Gospel there. It all came to an end on the 4th of Feb with a ferry ride, last good-byes in the airport in Dar es salaam, then the girls caught their flight to Entebbe, Uganda, and I caught mine to Mbeya, Tanzania.  I spent a day in Mbeya shopping for our team as well as catching up on some sleep and emotional stability.  It was wonderful to return home to Ivuna, and to be welcomed so warmly by the rest of my team.  I feel blessed to be part of a team that I can be excited to return home to. 

Since then, life has been getting into a normal routine - of sorts.  Beka and I have been working together in the clinic- and it's been a blessing.  I've been learning a lot from her by way of furthering my language abilities, and slowly, slowly I build my Swahili vocabulary and confidence to use it.  Language learning recently has been an extremely growing experience for me.  I've been finding myself involuntarily comparing my abilities with the abilities of the others (who, by the way, have all been here longer then I), and then sliding down into some kind of grumpy despair thinking I'm not worth a penny since I can't communicate as well as everyone else.  Yeah, I know it's not true, but it's been a very real struggle the last month or so, and I'm learning so much about trusting God in every detail. Meanwhile I work on language exercises, read Bible stories in Swahili, and anything else that seems as if it will lend itself to building my vocabulary and fluency in this language that I'm learning to love.

Yesterday morning Beka and I worked with a young girl by the name of Esta, who claimed she was 17 and still in school.  She came to us wanting medicine to do an abortion.  Her big, watery, miserable eyes sunk deep into my heart as we sat there pleading with her to not kill her unborn baby.  We shared with her the consequences of sinning against God.  We explained to her what stage her 10-12 week fetus was in.  We found the heartbeat with our doppler.  We pled with her to think about what she was doing, and to choose life for this child.  Tears overflowed as she told us she was kicked out of her home by her parents and "had" to get this abortion.  We prayed for her, offered her a place to stay with us, and continued to make her accountable before God.  In the end, she still acted like she wanted the abortion and walked away from our clinic.  My heart has been so burdened for her and I wonder what decision she made.  I pray that our words would be sinking deep into her heart and that the Spirit of God will continue to strive with her.

The other day I told Beka that I'd really like to go down to the girls dorm at the secondary school, but was feeling a bit nervous about going by myself, so one evening we wandered down there and talked to some of the girls for awhile.  A few weeks ago we had gone down to the school to preach and we had sang some songs in English, and the girls remembered these songs and begged to learn the songs better.  So Friday afternoon I grabbed a song folder and "braved" the big school property alone.  I was feeling a bit nervous as I walked up to the dorm, but the excitement of the girls as I came quickly took away all thought of trepidation.  I hung out there for awhile, teaching them songs (There Is a God, and Bind Us Together- complete with the motions!) and thoroughly enjoyed my interaction with all of them.  I'm looking forward to interacting with them some more and pray that God will use me to challenge their lives.  They have been doing a very good job at stretching my Swahili and giving me a drive to learn more so that I can communicate better. :) 

It's hard to believe the Lapp family only has one week left with us here in Ivuna.  We have thoroughly enjoyed their interaction in our lives and the blessing they were to us.  It seems like this year has been full of nothing but good-byes, and it makes me long even more keenly for Heaven where we'll all be together and will never have to say good-bye again! "Let us pray for each other, not faint by the way- in this sad world of sorrow and care.  For that Home is so bright and it's almost in sight, and I trust in my heart you'll go there." 

I'd love to hear from you! Thanks for your prayers.

blessings from my hot African village...

kim

11- Greetings from Ivuna

Good afternoon!  It's a warm, breezy afternoon here in Ivuna.  The breeze blows through the our living room window and rustle of the corn leaves right outside remind me of summer in America. It's hard to believe that you Pennsylvania-ites and other "northerners" are experiencing the bitter cold temperatures of winter.  I'm perfectly content to be right where I am!  Right outside our front door the pressure canner jiggles merrily on the braizer- my second canner load of beans for the day.  If you would've happened to drop by our house this morning, you would have found me bustling around doing all kinds of "house-wifey" things.  What kinds of things, you ask?  Things like canning beans, cleaning both our pantry and the main pantry over at Tim's compound, sweeping our house, making lunch, scrubbing laundry, as well as drinking cappuccino as I spent some time with God. Now Rachel and I are thinking we need to soon run to the bomba to get several buckets of water. Not necessarily any earth shaking things, but normal life nonetheless, and stuff I really enjoy doing at times! 

This update has been long in coming, and for that I apologize.  It seems that when you're so involved in living, its hard to take time to sit down and write about life as it passes by. :)  A month has passed since I last wrote, and I'm not even quite sure what to highlight on now.  As you may remember, I struggled with malaria for two weeks, beginning my recovery just in time to help pack up and head to town for our retreat time. We left after church on Sunday the 4th of January.  It was an emotional morning, especially for Tim and Sheryl as it was their last Sunday in Ivuna for the next year or so.  I was feeling pretty exhausted and ended up going inside and sleeping most of the morning, which ended up giving me more energy for the Land Rover ride to town that afternoon.

We spent Sunday night-Wednesday night as a retreat for our Ivuna team.  Here are a few excerpts from my journal: 

 "We're thoroughly enjoying our Ivuna team time here this week, especially knowing that it will change so drastically before the week is up.  There's something so incredibly comforting about our 'normal' Ivuna crew.  We've been together for months.  We've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly and somehow you end up loving each other fiercely through it all."  "Being so sick has worn me out.  Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.  Back in Ivuna, I didn't know how I was ever going to be able to continue on with the work cuz I had not interest, heart, or vision for it.  I absolutely HATE pushing myself through life because I have to.  This time away is exactly what I needed.  Time to heal. physically.  emotionally.  spiritually. "to find rest in the arms of my God who won't let go.  Thank you, Jesus." “Last night, Teresa and I sat up late and talked as the rain came on. Of dreams for the future and where we most see ourselves in a few years. Times like this I can't imagine what I'm going to do without this girl...” “{Monday}, Tim, Sheryl, Beka, Zack, Warren, and I loaded up the Rover and headed to Mbeya. We first did a bunch of errand running uptown and then Warren dropped the rest of us off at Sedo Market and took the poor, rattly Land Rover to get fixed. We got lunch at a little hole in the wall, and boy did they serve us a feast! Rice and ugali, beef, beans, greens, and avocado, but I couldn't eat. I ate a little bit of the meat for the benefit of protein, but my stomach felt like it was turned inside out. Then we went shopping. My store list was a mile long and I was still too weak and tired to do much heavy lifting at all, so I was thankful for the stronger people in our group who could assist with that. Meanwhile, the Land Rover was taking longer then expected to be fixed, so Melvin rescued us with his little truck. We piled all of our stuff and five of us on the back and obviously made a funny sight- judging by some of the looks and grins we received. We went back up to Melvins to pick up a few items we needed there, and then headed back down to Ifisi where our retreat was stationed. It was definitely memory making- even all huddled under that big blue tarp when it began to rain. Most of all, I was thankful to get all stuff and us safely back” {wednesday}. “Ngozi Crater Lake. That was on the agenda for the day. I desperately wanted to join them cuz I didn't want to be stuck alone at Ifisi all day! The others said it wasn't too hard, so I decided to give it a try. We dropped Sheryl, Winston, and Amy off at Kauffman's and headed down to the area. We sang most of the way down, enjoying each others company and the beautiful drive. We ate breakfast, and then set out. The first 1/3 of the way was quite steep up, up, up. It wasn't long before I was quite worn out and realizing that this was probably the dumbest thing I could have done while still in recovery from malaria! But, I was determined to make it to the top, so with lots of resting and pushing, pushing myself- I managed to make it! I felt really bad when the others had to wait on me tho. :( It was worth it tho- the beautiful lake in the old volcano crater. The creation of God is an amazing thing, and I thoroughly enjoy getting new glimpses into His creativity. The others decided to hike down into the crater to the lake. I rested at the top and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine until all of a sudden the sun went behind the clouds and a cool drizzle began. Beka, Jeshua, and I slipped and slid down the wet mountainside, and the others followed shortly there after.”  end journal excerpts

Wednesday night, Zack's family arrived. They are here for nearly 2 months to help fill in for Tim and Sheryl as they go on furlough. It was great to be able to learn to know 5 of his younger siblings and parents in a relaxed retreat setting before heading home to our village. Friday morning, more visitors arrived- this time a bit more specifically for me! Three girls whom I spent time with at Hillcrest Home in Arkansas came to spend a few weeks in Tanzania as part of their 2 ½ month East Africa trip. Deb Lapp, Beth Smucker, and Lora Stoltzfus were warmly welcomed and immediately loaded up in the Land Rover with all the other young folks to go hike Mbeya Peak. I reluctantly made the decision to NOT go along as I was feeling pretty exhausted by that point. Right after everyone left, I crawled back into my bed (one in a huge dorm room that had 12 beds!) and slept for hours. It was an amazing day, but I was incredibly ready to see everyone come back and to have some action happening again.

Saturday and Sunday our retreat expanded to include all the Mbeya missionaries. We had the biggest group of wazungu Tanzania has ever seen for our mission. It was such a blessing to interact with everyone- lots of singing, volley ball, late night “earth-shattering” discussions, a Sunday morning church service in ENGLISH, and Dutch Blitz. (always Dutch Blitz!) It was a lovely week, all culminated in a heart wrenching end when Monday morning arrived and with it, the Zeiset family and Teresa's FastJet flight... or so we thought. After all the sad goodbyes were over, and tears were shed, I picked back up with normal life as bravely as possible. As we sat around making our plans for the day, we received word that the FastJet flight was unable to land due to the cloud cover and insufficient equipment to land the plane. (tiny new airports in Africa sometimes lack in important things!) To make a long story short, they ended up returning to Mbeya, and re-booked their flights for Friday. It was not exactly what we wanted to do...see each other again after all the painful goodbyes were over, but so it was.

Tuesday we returned to Ivuna...13 wazungu and our MOUNTAINS of luggage. Zack brought the Land Rover with his parents, four sisters, and all the luggage it could handle while Warren and Ben brought a lorry with the rest of the luggage. Deb, Beka, Rachel, and I boarded the bus for our trip home. It was a bumpy ride as the bus driver flew along. I flew entirely off my seat more times then I counted. The bus got quite dramatically stuck once and I looked at it skewed so recklessly across the muddy, goop-y road and in the ditch and wondered if it would ever get out. Well, with lots of man power, it did. :) 

It's been a week now, and we're back in our village routine. Back among the winding village paths, the crops growing tall and lush around us. Back to going to the clinic every morning and tending to our patients and their needs. There's lots of house work to do, neighbors to greet, and info to tell the Lapp family as they've been settling into their new house and role here in the village. They are doing very well at jumping in here and we have greatly appreciated all the spice they add to our Ivuna team. We've enjoyed yummy meals with the treats they brought from the States, singing out under the falling shadows of evening, greeting the chief, and other village activities that we've introduced them to. I have a feeling their 7 weeks here are going to go very fast.

Sorry, I don't have much clinic news this time- between being sick and going to town I've spent very little time in the clinic. Also, with farming season in full swing, the people are spending a lot of time in their fields and our patient count has dropped dramatically. I've been taking the opportunity to spend more time in Swahili study, and since Deb is here, we've been enjoying lots of good talks and times together. It's so much fun to introduce my life here to such a dear friend. Later this week, we anticipate the arrival of Beth and Lora in the village, as well as 2 other visitors who have been visiting at the mission in Mbeya.

God bless each one.

Kim- 'a life of love is only possible by getting in touch with the One who truly loves us. The closer I get to God's heart, the more I want to love others. I long to love because I have been so deeply loved.”

10- of English students, Malawian travels, and life in Africa

Greetings to all from the land of Africa.  Tanzania.  I know to many of you the name Tanzania means nothing.  A place you've heard about, a place from which you've seen pictures.  Obviously, you're getting this update, so somehow you have a connection to this beautiful country. :)  But for me, Tanzania is becoming home.  I love this place, and the more I pour my heart into it, the more I love it.  I find myself loving the people- so diverse in their personalities, their opinions, their goals- yet similar in so many ways.  I have friends here.  People I have laughed with, cried over, yearned for, argued with, loved deeply, and many who in turn, have loved me back.

I love this country.  It's a diverse land, but the valley in which I call home is flat.  Off in the distance, the mountains tower on the outskirts of the valley and some of us yearn to go and find out what is in them.  Around us, in the valley, rainy season has come.  LIFE in the form of fresh green plants pop out of practically every available piece of sandy ground- ground that just a few weeks ago looked utterly impossible to host seeds of life.

Zack and Warren have spent the last three months teaching English to an energetic group of young people, and it's been so exciting to watch the Word of God being taught to them every day and their hearts becoming accountable to the truth they hear.  One of them has already come to the end of himself and saw his own wretchedness and believe in the saving blood of Jesus!  What a joy it is to watch God working.

Several weeks ago, one of the students went home in demand to her father's wishes, and we decided to go visit her the following Saturday.  We set out that morning, trekking through the lonely wilderness as the morning sun became more and more intense.  We received a warm welcome and enjoyed a few hours there, catching up with Roida, meeting her family, and eating delicious ugali and goat (I ate my first liver and heart and found out they're absolutely delectable!). Zack informed us that the real reason Roida's dad pulled her out of school was due to lodging issues with Mraja (our next door guesthouse owner) and that he didn't know where else she could stay.  We all looked at each other and I exclaimed, "well if lodging is the only problem, that's stupid! We have plenty of room at our house!"  And so it was, when we left Roida's house, she was with us.  A week later, Mraja declared that he was closing his guesthouse and his family was all moving out to their farms for a few months.  Roida's best friend, Rehema, was still living there and was left without a place to stay as well.  So now we've been blessed with two 14 year old girls- and I am absolutely loving having them around!  I've been stretching my Swahili, gained two "daughters" (they call me Mama and I call them my children:), grin at their girlish, dramatic giggles as they get ready to go to bed at night, and dread this weekend when they graduate from the course and go home again.  I'm sure we'll be seeing more of them though!

Today I came to the realization that it's halfway through December, which means the holiday/wintery season is in full swing in America.  Teresa and I have been trying to recreate the atmosphere (with cranberry and peppermint scented candles, peppermint and eggnog chocolate and coffee's, and even some Christmas music thrown in the mix), but somehow it's hard to remember that this actually is the holiday season.  When you're sweating in intense sun and heat and nothing ever makes you think "December", its hard to remember the season you were so attached to in America! :)

Three weeks ago, Rachel and Rebecca Oberholtzer returned from their furlough.  It's been very good to have them back and integrated into the work here again.  Their parents visited for a week and when they were ready to head to America, Trudy joined them to leave for her furlough. Rachel and Beka escorted them to town, so for three days I was "alone" in the village, without any of the other girls to depend on. It was an incredibly stretching experience- running the clinic and just doing normal life with no one else to rely on for help in Swahili. It was the best thing that could have happened to me at this point, and even tho I worried myself half sick over how it was all going to go, I was blessed to see how God was so much bigger then my fears and language limitations. 

The day Rachel and Beka returned, Teresa got very sick, and we began immediately treating for malaria. About midnight that night I was deep in the routines of switching out cold washcloths, keeping clean sheets on hand, checking temperatures, and making sure she got her meds on time, when Tim came in for the thermometer because Sheryl was running a high temperature as well. The next day was a blur as Teresa was too sick to do anything for herself and Sheryl wasn't around at all as she fought off her bout of malaria. I did what I could to keep the household running, the children quiet so Teresa could rest, while worrying my heart out about Teresa- all on about 3 hours of sleep. As the evening shadows began to fall, I sat by Teresa's bed once more trying to decide if I should just go ahead and start an IV on her.  I decided to give her a little more time before running over to my clinic to get the supplies, and was very thankful when her temperature finally began dropping and she was able to keep liquids in her. As the rest of us gathered for prayer meeting that evening, I brewed myself mug of strong coffee in hopes it would wake my foggy, exhausted brain, but it didn't help very well. 

The next few days flew by as Teresa continued needing a lot care. Saturday she was feeling much better, so I slipped off to have lunch with Rachel and Beka at our favorite little restaurant in Kilabuni. While I was there, Sheryl called me to say that Teresa's temperature was going back up again and she was obviously beginning another cycle of malaria.  By this point she had completed her medication regimen and so we needed to come up with something else, and something stronger to kick the stubborn strain.  I was back to doing all I could to keep her temperature down while dear Beka ran out to the medicine stores to get a new supply of malaria medication.  Teresa also asked for prayer and an anointing, so we had a sweet time of sharing and prayer together that evening.  Over the next few days, it was exciting to see her slowly begin to gain her strength back, although we butted heads a few times when I thought she really needs to take it more easy and she was determined she could get up and do something! :)

Teresa needed to renew her visa, so this past Saturday, we headed out of Ivuna on the early morning bus.  The bus had us to Mlowo in a little under 3 hours- an incredible record breaker!  We got out to our mission house here in Mbeya by 11 and had plenty of time to rest and gain strength for continuing our trip to Malawi. It's been amazing to have time to rest, read, journal, and skype to the states and SEE people who mean a lot to me.  We traveled to Malawi on Sunday and back on Monday.  Hours of hopping from this public transport bus to that one, walking through the borders and getting our passports stamped, and riding on the back of bicycles flying down the Malawian road. Sitting by the lake drinking in the water and sunshine, eating meat and cheese sent from the States and our precious little bag of Doritos we found at the Malawian grocery store, strange conversations with an overly friendly groundskeeper, the electricity going off in the middle of the night causing us to wake up hot and grumpy in our mosquito net with the fan off...and then we were off, headed back the way we came the day before. The bike taxi, the public transport bus, using Malawian kwacha for the last time, and we were back on the Tanzanian side of the border.  Another 3-4 hour bus ride brought us safely back to Mbeya. This morning we did some shopping and tomorrow morning we need to go back down to the market and stock up on produce to take back to the village for our team.  Lord willing, we plan to catch a lorry to Ivuna tomorrow. 

Exciting things have been happening in Ivuna lately.  A Bible class in our own neighborhood has begun twice a week, and it's thrilling to watch Tim and Sheryl's porch fill with neighbors who are hearing the word of God.  Our neighbor boy, Basilio, has been facing his own real need of Jesus' blood and the fact that he can't live a victorious life alone.  Pray for him and for Zack as he has been putting a lot of effort into Bas' life.

Sad things have been happening as well, including a lot of fighting and wife beating.  My closest friend in the neighborhood, Mama Glanti, was beaten dreadfully by her husband the other night.  We found her laying motionless on her bed the next afternoon in pitiful condition.  Her one eye had a big gash across the top and was dreadfully swollen.  She was wounded and bleeding physically and emotionally, and my heart cried with hers as I flopped beside her on her mattress and gently rubbed her back for awhile.  She's a dear woman, so tender and sensitive, and has shown signs of soon being ripe for the kingdom of God.  I dream of the day when she will be born again and have begun to pray the same for her husband.  God delights in working out the impossible, and I'm asking for the impossible with this one.

Well, I suppose I have rambled enough for one time.  I think I'll close this update with this one last thought that has been seriously convicting me lately. 

               "the loaves that Jesus used to feed thousands had to first be broken"

I want to be used by Jesus.  I want my life to feed thousands.  Am I willing to be broken in order to make the kind of difference I long to make?  Are you wiling?

-kim

9- Life in Ivuna

"Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God; not only by unbelief, but by thinking that you know what He can do.  Expect unexpected things 'above all that we ask or think'.  -Andrew Murray

I've been pondering recently on who God really is, and have been challenged to my very core to pursue knowing HIM in a reality much deeper and fuller then I've yet known.  To lay aside the ideas and limits I've unconsciously placed on Him and to allow Him to impress upon my heart and soul who He is. How can I make Him known unless I know Him intimately?  The quote above has been on my heart a lot as I consider these things.  I don't know what He can do, but yet I am so quick to place Him in a box and limit His power in my life and the lives around me.  He's been taking me at my word and allowing some very purging experiences in my life lately.  I'm thankful for the opportunities to grow in holiness and to be more like my Savior, and am learning to embrace the painfulness of the process as well.

The cool breezes of the beginning of rainy season sweep through the open window and out the window on the other side of the house.  It's utterly refreshing, this rain is: refreshing, invigorating, and downright cheerful.  It's been over a month since we had our 2 amazing downpours, and dry season seemed to have come back for an endless duration.  We were battling the dust storms again, and I was despairing in keeping anything clean.  But last night after a day full of wind, dust, and heat...the first welcome sprinkles were heard on the roof.  By this morning, there was evidence of a good night of rain, and the air was so clear and everything smelled so very good.   I'm nursing a nasty head cold, currently sipping on some type of "dawa-ish" (medicine-ish) tea that Teresa gave me to try, and hoping that my head clears up soon and energy returns.

An area that has really been burdening my heart recently is the rampant polygamy among our people and the surrounding tribes.  A scenario in the clinic recently has majorly reignited the burden and righteous anger I feel in regards to it... One of my first prenatal patients this past Friday was a beautiful, young Sukuma girl named Quimba.  She was merely 16, young, fresh, and absolutely stunning.  She had a beautiful smile that only peeked out on a rare occasion when she dared show me a glimpse. What maddened me was her 'husband'- a man practically old enough to be her grandfather.  She obviously hated his presence and avoided him like the plague.  When I asked her to lie down on the bed for her check-up, she refused to do so until we finally asked him to leave the room.  When he was in the room, he treated her like a useless piece trash.  An object.  Which, I am positive, is exactly how she is treated by him all the time.  As I did a prenatal on her firstborn, and found the precious, life-giving heartbeat, I just wanted to weep. It's child abuse, and in the States, it would be completely reportable.  But here?  There's nothing I can do! Nothing.  I tried hard, in my limited language ability and cultural knowledge, to show Quimba love and care, but ached in my innermost being to do more.  To rescue her and to show her even more love.  

It happens repeatedly...rarely do you have a situation where there is only one wife.  And if there is, the chances that the husband is not being faithful is incredibly high.  When we need to ask my patients questions like that, I watch their eyes closely for hints of feeling.  What I see is a lifeless sorrow.  They've given up- they know it's going to happen, why even fight it?  The first wives know they'll eventually be replaced or added on to by younger women, and the younger wives don't have a reason to believe they'll be the last.  It's a vicious cycle and I see the pain.  The hurt.  Oh that God would raise up men in this valley who would love HIM with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength; and would turn and love their wives as the Bible commands.  What a difference it would make.

Today I wasn't feeling extremely perky with my head cold, and partway through the afternoon began feeling a bit housebound.  Granted, I had spent the morning over at the clinic, but that didn't really make a big difference.  I bumped around the house for awhile- cleaned a little, sprayed de-roaching spray in the choo (bathroom) and then watched as the deranged insects ballisticly began pouring out of every available crevice and crack.  I came back inside and started this update but was much too antzy to sit inside drinking hot tea and feeling all lonely, so I got up and went to buy maandazi (an unsweetened doughnut) from our friends who have been frying them in Kilabuni these days. Once I got out there, Zanobi was only finishing forming all the maandazi and Joyce was making them ugali and fish to eat, so they made me eat a fish first- even tho I insisted I wasn't hungry.  When the oil was hot over the fire, Zanobi called me over to help fry them- particularly because I told him yesterday that he should teach me how to fry maandazi.  It's a hot job, laboring over the wood fire and huge wok-type frying pan, but it was so much fun and a wonderful change from the normal pace.  Also a definite way to get people's attention- "WHAT? The Mzungu is working?? You can fry/cook maandazi?!"  I had my fill of maandazi in the process- nothing better then a piping hot one fresh from the oil.  I tried not to think about all the nasty things oil does to your body upon ingesting it. :)  By the time the entire batch was finished, I figured I better head home as I hadn't brought my phone, or told Trudy where I was headed.  I met several of the secondary school girls (probably age 16-18) and made friends with them.  With my growing Swahili and their small knowledge of English, we managed to communicate quite well and they invited me to come hang out with them some more.  It would be amazing language practice, as well as a wonderful opportunity to get involved in their lives, so I plan to do that.  By this time, Trudy had fried yummy looking pancakes, but I was stuffed from my maandazi feast and regretfully had to decline.  I told her I'd be glad to eat my share tomorrow morning.  But before another hour had passed, 5 neighbor ladies and one of our neighbor boy friends happened to pop in and were thrilled to help us finish our pancakes.  No question of what to do with the leftovers tonight!   

I love being out and surrounded by people, but sometimes its hard to make myself go.   The language barriers are still very real, and I, being me, like to talk and find it incredible frustrating when I can't express myself.  That can work two ways: 1, make me try harder then ever to build my knowledge and vocabulary so as to be able to talk or 2, make me hole up inside- scared to even try.  The more I get out and practice, the easier it becomes to do more.  Not to mention it's much less lonely.

Tim and Sheryl are gone on a 10th anniversary trip this week and dear, faithful Teresa is doing a wonderful job caring for their 4 children and keeping the house.  I often find myself over there in the afternoons and/or evenings- popping in to help with something or just to be a bit of emotional adult support for Teresa. I read my Swahili Bible and look up words in the dictionary while perched on their couch watching the children play.  They leave for furlough in January, and my heart aches at the mere thought.  Teresa's become an incredibly dear friend to me and I shall miss her tremendously.  Or, as our dear African friends say..."nitamkumbuka sana, SANA!"(literally translated: I shall remember/miss her much, MUCH!)

I forgot to mention an update on Mele in my last update.  I wrote about her 2 updates ago and her freedom from demon possession.  A few weeks ago, she suddenly left and returned to the area where some other of her family is from.  We have not heard from her since.  We wonder how she's doing and we continue to pray for her, and pray that God will direct her life and acquaintances to allow her to continue to find truth and light in Jesus.

We look forward to the return of our dear Rachel and Rebecca Oberholtzer, as well as their parents who are coming for a visit, on Sunday! After 3 1/2 months, it will be very good to have them reenter our team.  Our neighbors are extremely excited and are anxiously awaiting Sunday.

God bless each one.  May His peace be yours today as you walk closely to His side.

8- of Maasai, Sukuma, and life in the village

...we need to stop trying to domesticate God or confine Him to tiny categories and compartments that reflect our human sentiments rather then His inexplicable ways... {francis chan}

I, for one, know that I am certainly guilty of trying to place God in a compartment that I can somehow fit my finite mind around.  My poor little brain wants to figure everything out in a way that makes sense, and I'm reminded {again} that this is a type of unbelief and totally uncalled for in one who wants more then anything to be recklessly abandoned to this God of the Universe.  I'm so human and the big ME just gets in the way so often.  I feel tired, or stressed, or misunderstood, or emotional, or overwhelmed.  I focus on the mountains in my life and whine to myself that I'll never get over them... I'll never know Swahili fluently and be brave enough to really communicate.  Or, when my brain gets weary of spending day after day working with patients and their many ailments- then the clinic can really begin to look like a insurmountable mountain.  Today I'm reminded of the beautiful promises "I will lift up my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help.  My help cometh from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth".

In my last update I wrote about the dust and the longing for rain.  2 weeks ago, on a Sunday evening much like this one...we got rain!  It was not just a few sprinkles either, it was torrents of rain.  Water pouring from the sky and running down the trails.  We were all together eating supper together when the glorious sound swept across the tin roof and our supper items were abandoned in the delight of singing in the rain.  That night we waded home in the pouring rain, wading through ankle deep streams and not caring at all at how soaked we were getting.  It rained delightfully again on Monday, but that was the end of the rain spell.  After a few days the dust began building up again and with the addition of humidity, the days have seemed even hotter.  But yesterday beautiful lightening and glorious thunder ripped through the valley once again, and so we watch for rain to come again soon.

With the rain and the threat of more coming in the near future, our village has turned into a flurry of activity as roofs are repaired or entirely redone.  Many people weren't prepared for those two rain falls and experienced some cold, wet nights.  Houses are being quickly erected as the building season is soon over and we look forward to rain and everyone being busy in their farms.

Clinic has been very busy.  They come in streams, filling my little waiting room and one by one coming back to share their ailments and problems with the mzungu (white) nurse whom they are SURE can help them.  The nurse stretches her brain- asking questions and analyzing physical symptoms and all the while desperately trying to understand as much Swahili as she can.  She wrack's her brain over the challenging symptoms that point to something beyond the scope of practice here and sometimes finally has to tell them that she can't help them. Other times she quickly finds the complaints to line up to a fairly common disease or illness and can give some direction on a cure.   Yes, this nurse finds herself almost constantly pulled and stretched w.a.y. far out of her comfort zone and at times wonders whatEVER ailed her to think she could do this.

I enjoy my "hands-on" patients much more then just my diagnosing ones, as I feel like I can actually do something.  Things like prenatals and wound/burn care...speaking of which, I have two rather interesting bandage patients right now, both of whom I've been working with for some time.  The one came to me in July or August with 3 of his fingers on his left hand black and completely dried up.  It was gangrene like I had never seen before- no smell, no pus- nothing but dried out, black skin pulled tight over bone. Over the process of time, he asked us if we'd be willing to help him financially be able to go out to the Ifisi hospital and get those fingers amputated, which we did.  Now, he's been back for a number of weeks and I've been working at healing off the amputated stumps.  It's been a lot of fun to watch them healing nicely, but most of all we share the gospel and pray that he will be attracted to Jesus through our lives and testimony.  Our goal in helping these people physically is to give them a reason to believe that Jesus truly is real!   My other patient is an older gentleman who was brought to me a number of weeks ago by a good friend of ours.  His wound was on the foot, and a good 1/3 of the top of his foot was one open, raw mess.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that his big toe had completely died and was causing the *incredibly* foul smell that went everywhere this poor man went.  While they collected money to take him to town to have that toe amputated (after he asked if I would just be able to cut it off :-o), I continued to treat the wound.  Last week he returned after the amputation and I'm working at healing it off completely.  It's going to take quite awhile yet, but I've been so encouraged by the healing I've been seeing taking place.

A delightful part of life lately is that mangoes are now in season!  It's truly a miracle after having very little fresh produce unless we went to town, and to now have mangoes by the ox cart load pulling into kilabuni.  We got some to can and when all of us get together and pitch in, we have a lot of fun and get work done fast!

Last Saturday we decided to take off clinic and go to Itumbula to visit our Maasai friends.  One of them just had a baby and since Trudy is soon going to be leaving on furlough, she really wanted a chance to see the baby.  Teresa, Trudy, and I headed out on pikipiki's, but mine soon strung a leak in the back tire, so I ended up sitting by the road under a tree while the other one took Teresa and Trudy on.  They ended up completely laid over in a mud hole, I later found out, but thankfully escaped with only minor scratches.  Once I joined them, we walked about 15 minutes further into the bush where we spent a delightful few hours with our friends.  It was so fun to see them again and enjoy the new baby as well as the rest of the children.    We stopped by another patient of mine on the way home and greeted them- definitely a worthwhile day!

Yesterday, we decided to do the same thing, except this time we went a different direction out into the bush from Itumbula.  This time it wasn't just Teresa, Trudy, and I, but Zack and Warren as well and we weren't in search of our Maasai tribal friends, but our Sukuma tribal friends. (Sukuma are cattle herders, and live out on the bush in order to have room for their cattle.  They're a rich tribe.) Ever since I was involved with the Sukuma lady that we took to town with a transverse lying fetus in early July, I've been wanting to go visit them and it was finally happening! I was a bit nervous as we set out on foot in the general direction of some known Sukuma camps. I really had no idea where we were going, and no specific's on where these people actually lived.  I felt a bit vulnerable, knowing that this was my idea and if the day turns out to be a flop and we're just led on a goose trail, then it was my fault and I had gotten everyone else involved.  I prayed that God would direct us and lead us to the right place.  As we walked upon several other Sukuma compounds, we asked if they knew the people we were looking for, and they kept pointing us on further, so I decided we must be in the right general area!

About 45 minutes into our walk out into the middle of nowhere, we came upon a large clearing with quite a few houses in a compound.  As we walked toward the direction of their gate, I noticed a woman coming to meet us.  Trudy was sure it was Sai {my patient from July}, but she had to get a bit closer before I actually realized that YES, it was her! And behind her came a crowd of very excited women and children.  What an incredible welcome we got- hugs (which is a bit different then we Americans are used too- but just as special!  It's an arms length hug with a corresponding "wah-oh" sound being vocalized by both people.) and more hugs.  I immediately spotted the baby whom had caused the whole meeting, and snatched her up in my arms.  Darling little girl she is, and way too cute.  We were grandly ushered into a hot little room as the greetings continued.  I was never quite able to figure out how and if the people were all related, but that really didn't matter.  The children came in streams, standing there watching and grinning shyly when I acknowledged them and greeted.  I noticed that none of the children responded to my traditional Swahili greeting, and later realized that they don't know Swahili.  The adults laughed and smiled in a jolly fashion and proudly brought their babies for us to hold.  We held babies and practiced kiSukuma greetings and learned more about their families and culture.  They soon informed us that a goat was being butchered in honor of our visit, which felt so humbling as that is about the highest honor one can give their guests.  This people group are a rich people, so it's not as much a sacrifice for them as it would be for our Sichela neighbors, but it's still humbling to accept such high blessings from them.

Hours passed.  People meandered in and out, and sometimes we were left to ourselves which resulted in interesting, random conversations.  Around 5:30, huge platters of rice and goat meat were delivered and boy did we dig in.  By that time we were quite famished, and the food tasted absolutely amazing.  I'm pretty sure it was the best goat I've ever eaten.  After we finished, they packed up most of the leftover rice, as well as an uncooked goat thigh- hair, hoof and all- and packed it in the guys' backpack.  We were escorted by most of the crew a good 10 minutes down the trail where long, drawn out goodbyes were processed.  Pictures were snapped, hugs and handshakes given, promises made for more communication...and off we walked.  I turned around one last time to wave a goodbye, and they all responded in unison.  As we walked out to Itumbula, my heart was full.  very full.  It's amazing finding yourself so at home and so welcomed among a people as different from yourself as they are.  It's incredible to feel connection, and to walk away with an incredible burden that they would find the TRUTH and that the truth would set them free.   We were admiring the incredible cloud formations in the sky as we walked, and I made a comment about how that would be the absolute perfect cloud for Jesus to come back on.  But then my thoughts went to my dear friends I had just left behind and realized that as badly as I want to go to Heaven, I don't want Jesus to come back until they've had the opportunity to know Him as well.

I feel at a low point in language learning right now. My current stage feels so confused and tough, as I understand so much of what is being said around me, but yet when I want to talk, I feel like Swahili is one humongous mixed-up conglomeration in my piddly little brain.  I open my mouth and the wrong tense comes out.  Or a word I can normally pronounce just fine when I'm practicing on my own becomes twisted and very ungracefully tumbles out and falls flat.  I sigh and long for the day when I'm more fluent and have been making an effort to spend more time in study and reading.  Which of course means that something else has to suffer- I don't get out to visit our neighbors much these days it seems, because til clinic hours are over, and the general house work is completed and I make time for language study...I find my days flying by at an unedifying rate of speed.  Anyways, all that to say that I could really use prayer to keep pressing on.

And so, this concludes an update on my life.  Please keep our mission team in your prayers as we face a lot of changes over the next few months with Tim and Sheryl and their family leaving on furlough in early January.  Many changes and some rotating personnel will be keeping life interesting around here.  I'm so thankful for my wonderful support team- I NEED y'all!

an ambassador for Christ, Kim