Journals can be thick or thin. Beautiful with feminine designs and swirls, or practical school notebooks with blue lines. They can be bound in leather with glossy, smooth pages or hardcover with spiral binding. However you may find your journal to be, I'm that you fellow journal-lers out there agree with me that they are a special part of life.
There's something about a brand new journal that sends a thrill of awe through me. It's not that the value of the book itself is that high or even that it looks like something special to a non-journal-ler. But for me, as I reverently lay aside a full journal, and choose which one to begin next, it's a thrill. I gently leaf through the pages, yet untouched by pen, and wonder what I'll be writing on those lines. What lessons will God be teaching me? What experiences will I be going through? Will this page hold joys and laughter, or tears and heartache? There are so many unanswered questions at the beginning of a new journal! One thing I can always bank on, that no matter what I write on those pages, I know that the faithfulness of God will ring true through every experience and struggle that gets jotted down in them. That much is unchangeable, and I cling to that promise through the changes that I'm constantly bombarded with.
My journal has personal chats with me somewhat sporadically. Some weeks he sees me every day, and pages are filled with my handwriting. Other weeks there might be one or two hurried notes, obviously written in a flying hurry, depicting the busyness of my schedule. No matter how hurried or sporadic I am, I know that my faithful companion will always be there, waiting for that time when suddenly I can't wait another moment before pouring my heart into it.
So, I'm having a rough day. Or a rough relationship. Or just a mixed up life all around. My journal takes it all in, and never even blinks an eye in surprise! It's faithful support and silent encouragement gives me the boost I need to get up and try again. Sometimes it comes in glancing back at past testimonies of the faithfulness of God, while other times it comes through just the sheer relief of getting my feelings and thoughts down on paper where I can actually try to figure them out!
And then another time, I'm bubbling over with joy and anticipation! My journal is there as well, rejoicing with me and reminding me once again that life has it's high points which are to be embraced and enjoyed fully! It never rolls its eyes at my chatter and exclamations, but is content to be the confidante and faithful companion that never goes very far from my side!
My journals have traveled the world over with me. Several of them saw me sweating away and learning to serve in the villages of East Africa, while another captured me on a short trip to South America. Many have recorded the many happenings at home and in the greenhouse in Pennsylvania, while many more have seen my life here in Arkansas. They've captured the joys and frustrations of being a CNA, the journey of wrestling through to peace about pursuing nursing school, and the fears of actually beginning college. They have shared with me the day to day experiences of learning to give God full control of my life and giving up of myself. They've walked me through relationship highs and lows, as well as captured the unfulfilled dreams and visions that spill out in all their intensity at random times.
My journals have definitely been among my best of friends and I love the way they never criticize me or correct me. Even if I'm in the wrong, they are silently there, and more often then not I'll come around and am able to see my wrongs and what I need to do to correct them. They are tangible evidence of the personal journey God has been taking me on into His very heart of hearts.
When the moment comes when the last page has been filled, and the back cover is gently closed over another period of life, the journal is shelved. Another day I'll be pulling it out, and reading through it, crying alligator tears one moment and laughing hysterically the next as I remember the faithfulness of God to this needy, emotional woman. But as of now, it's time to move on and choose another journal to carry me through the next stage of my life.
And that is the legend of my journal. It certainly is a part of me that won't be changing anytime soon!
